So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
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Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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