I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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