me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
