the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
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