I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i came on her dog
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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