drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
