Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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