I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
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The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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