New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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