I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I wish i was in the wii world.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
