I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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