How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
