i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
