God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
