i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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