but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
