I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
