It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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