well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
