The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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