Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
