Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
