Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry ohJEEBloverface hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(323): View more from California

how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.

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(646): View more from New York

I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me

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(573): View more from Missouri

I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"

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(203): View more from Connecticut

It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.

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(559): View more from California

so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"

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(573): View more from Missouri

Did you high five my face last night?

(417): View more from Missouri

Yes. Yes I did.

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(361): View more from Texas

Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.

(713): View more from Texas

You sure know how to pick em.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.

(1-803): View more from South Carolina

Isn't your room on the second floor?

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