wanna go halves on a baby?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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