I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That accounts for only three of the penises
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
