absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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