Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
