I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
