I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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