He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
