my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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