ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
