i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
