I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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