just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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