i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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