My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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