One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
