I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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