the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
