I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
