Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
