I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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