Moan for me like Helen Keller
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Bang-toberfest begins!!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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