Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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