dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
