I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Be still, my beating vagina.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
