just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
