Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
