i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
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You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
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There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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