my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
