I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
