Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
