UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
