my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
