All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
