I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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