just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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