i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
