Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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