for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
