I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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