i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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