So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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