im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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