You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
