It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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