Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
